SBGradMag Stony Brook's Graduate Student Magazine

Last semester, President Shirley Strum Kenny announced that the graduate student stipend will be going up by $2,000 this year. The increase is meant to help graduate students make ends meet and to help keep Stony Brook stipends competitive. Many graduate students have fallen into debt, especially after a spike in bad break-ups led to boozers on the Velvet Lounge karaoke stage last year. But instead of using the extra cash responsibly, graduate students are choosing bombastic forms of self-expression.

“I took one look at them and I felt so dizzy that I just had to have them.” That’s what Chemistry student Svetlana Soule said about the spinning rims she purchased for her 1996 Honda Accord. “I got a great deal on them. And they really do a good job of drawing attention away from the paint job.”

Most students are not scheduled to see their first dime until October. That hasn’t stopped Marine Sciences from hosting the first annual grad student boat race. “With all the extra cash I’ll be making, I can afford to pay down the loan on my 50 horsepower ‘Papa’s Mustache,’” claims Dan Colpitts.

Aside from new investments in crystalline chrome & nautical knick knacks, local businesses have also seen an impact. The Godiva Chocolatiers Shop in Stony Brook Village Center says that they have experienced a 350% sales increase in their Chocolixer beverages through their “Stony Brook is Red Hot Red Hat Specials” this summer & the Curry Club’s friendly face, Kulwant, has said that graduate students are forgoing the popular buffet line and instead opting for a la carte items. “The Malai Kofta is very popular now,” he says.

How this influx of students with expendable income will impact the Graduate Student Organization remains to be seen. “We might consider a windfall tax this year so that we can buy back the University Cafe,” explained Luigi Longobardi, the incoming GSO Treasurer. “I miss the Imperial Stout.”

In other news, an incoming Art History student hit on Graduate School Dean Lawrence Martin at Wednesday’s Graduate Student Orientation reception after Martin declared that “50% of grads meet their spouse while in graduate school.”