SBGradMag Stony Brook's Graduate Student Magazine

The Smoking Ban Committee has voted to institute a campus-wide smoking ban to take effect on Tuesday. Committee Chair Eric Cahn said the move would create a safer environment for all students, faculty, and staff on the campus. It will also reduce global warming, a representative from the student group Breaking Away from Tobacco stated. Test runs of the ban have begun in certain areas on campus without incident.

“I feel healthier already,” said Norm Goodman, a Professor in the Sociology Department and longtime member of the University Senate Executive Board. “The campus is better off,” he added. Goodman and others have been involved in debates with members of the Graduate Student Organization over this issue for the past couple of years, culminating in a GSO Senate vote to ban Norm Goodman in last month’s Senate meeting. “The campus is better off,” quipped the Speaker of the Senate, Andrei Antonenko. He continued, “Norm Goodman has done enough damage to our lungs.”

Students who were smoking around campus on Friday afternoon last week were interviewed for this article and they did not appear to be happy. Sophomore Frank Miagilattio said, “It’s a free country. I don’t give a fuck. These colors don’t run.” Coming out of the SAC gym, Tiifani and her friends were especially concerned. “I always smoke after a good work out. Now I’ll have to turn to chew.”

Vice-President of the Undergraduate Student Government Nathan Shapiro, emerging from a cloud of smoke at the Library entrance, avowed that his administration would fill the seats at the University Senate meeting and conduct what he called a "smoke-in." He added, "and when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every dorm and every window, from every apartment and every doorway, we will be able to speed up that day when all of Stony Brook, smokers and non-smokers, undergraduates and graduates, faculty and staff, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old smoker’s spiritual: From my cold, black lungs!”

Graduate students and staff seem to be affected as well. Susana Huidobro, the Graduate Student Advocate, said they tried a test run of the smoking ban at the Graduate School, but then they allowed smoking once again after an incident on the Graduate School Dean’s birthday. “We could not find anyone with matches to light the candles on the cake,” said Huidobro. “I was so embarrassed and Lawrence was very upset.” Lawrence Martin has been a strong advocate against the smoking ban ever since.

The Dean has gained favor with secretaries across the campus that plan to just ignore the ban anyway. But anti-smoking advocates appear to have won and Stony Brook will join Louisiana State Community College and the Upstate Medical Center as the leaders against smoking on campuses.

In other news, a study funded by the Association of Wedding Planners conducted by scientists at Hofstra University seeks to discover whether or not the hokey pokey really is what it’s all about.